Dysfunctional Families
A friend of mine, who was born into a severely dysfunctional background, some time ago told me that she believes all families are bascially like that. I have to admit that at the time this took me a bit by surprise, but when I started to observe more closely the world around me and the way we all grow up, including myself, I had to admit that she was right. Not finding this a satisfactory state of affairs, I begun to wonder why this should be so. I am no longer prepared to accept such things as the status quo we jolly well have to put up with, whether we like it or not, the way I once used to do.
My life began to change profoundly when it dawned on me that we can and indeed are meant to change the things that are not to our liking and that, with the help and will of God and the Angels, who communicate with us through our inner guidance, all things are possible and crooked corners can be made straight. If we want to improve any kind of situation and resolve outstanding issues, at any time by day or night they are willing to show us the way. All we have to do is ask. Without it no help can reach us.
My observations of life confirm that just about every human family on the Earth plane appears to suffer from varying degrees of dysfunctionality. They have to be this way and that for several reasons. First in line are the karmic obligations we have towards each other and the outstanding issues which both parties, during their most recent stay in the spirit realm, agreed to shoulder and brought with them into their present lifetime. It was done in the hope of paying some of our karmic debts and resolving some of the outstanding issues.
To add to the problematic of their growing up years, each time human beings re-enter earthly life with a wrong perception of parent/child relationships. Expectations are deeply embedded in our spirits and souls and also an image of our true parents, the Great Father/Mother of all life. They are the perfect parents, kind, loving and understanding, all-protective, omniscient and omnipotent. Their relationship with us and ours with them is one of silent mutual understanding, the ideal one.
In every human encounter we are constantly seeking to re-establish the relationship with our Creator, who is both Mother and Father to us all, and of whose light we are a tiny spark at the beginning of our education as an earthling. Their kind of love and understanding is what we are always hoping to find some day in earthly life, in vain. Such ideal relationships take place on the highest levels of existence, where earthly personalities are no longer involved and therefore cannot clash with each other. Could this be the reason why, although we all dream of such relationships, they are practically impossible to achieve between two human beings?
Because of our faulty perception, we look to our human parents for the same kind of protection, knowledge and wisdom that our Divine Parents grant us. This is grossly unfair to those who are merely human and fallible, and on the Earth to learn, the same as we are. And because each one of us is a spark of the Divine, no matter which role has been allocated to anyone in their present lifetime, underneath we are all brothers and sisters, and that includes our parents as well as our children. There is a special reason why we find ourselves in these roles. In the animal kingdom, to which our lower earthly self belongs, new vehicles in the form of physical bodies for souls to reincarnate into, can only be created through a male and female of each species. This ensures their survival and that is why brothers and sisters temporarily find themselves in parent/child relationships.
Our world was created to be a school, in which each has been allocated its own space and time to grow and evolve into spiritual maturity. Life itself is the greatest University of all, where everybody has to study, sometimes as a parent and on other occasions as a child. In every relationship we are constantly acting as teacher and student, both at the same time. There is no such thing as a one-sided relationship and the Universal laws decree that everything in the whole of God’s Creation must balance. Because we are an integral part of it, we and our relationships also have to be balanced. It does not make one iota of difference whether we believe in God or not, and whether we enjoy this state of affairs or not. We are here to help each other grow and evolve, no more, no less.
Those who in this lifetime have come together as parents and children, the likelihood is that both parties involved are on a similar evolutionary level. This ensures the best possible results from the teaching and learning roles that have been allocated to the participants. There is every possibility that in future lifetimes the roles may be reversed, so that those who once were our parents will then be our children. This creates many karmic opportunities for all involved for learning one time at the giving end of a particular experience and then at its receiving one. If, for example, we have been good parents during one lifetime, it stands to reason that next time round we shall reincarnate through a couple that is capable of being good parents to us.
Whichever way all this works in our life, it is important always to remind ourselves that both parents and children are human and therefore fallible. The only reason why we all are here is to improve our character, and if that were no longer necessary, we would not be here. Whether we find ourselves in the role of parents or as children, we should never be afraid of making mistakes. Without them, there would neither be learning nor teaching of any kind. Clearly, a lifetime without mistakes would be a wasted one, but then that is highly unlikely ever to happen!
As soon as children have become adults in their own right and both parties have gained an understanding of how human relationships truly work, the time has come for letting go of the perception of parents and children. Because they lack the necessary understanding for the spiritual background of all life and human relationships in particular, many find it difficult to release each other once and for all from the ties that have been formed. But spiritually this is essential, because otherwise we shall never be able to release each other from the unhealthy child/parent role of mutual dependency and transmute our relationship into one total and unconditional love and friendship.
Recognising that the mistakes of the past were essential for those involved makes it easier to find forgiveness for ourselves and each other. Every single slip-up we make is an invaluable teaching aid in the earthly education every child of God has to attend. The watchful eyes of the wisdom and love of the true parents of both parties, our Mother/Father God, has always taken care of all our needs on the Earth plane. This will continue wherever else our education may take us, as we go forward and eventually move onto higher and highest levels of consciousness. Accepting these concepts as our truth can bring peace and healing into what must be the most fraught area of human relationships of all, our families.
If there were no struggles, obstacles waiting to be overcome, hurdles to be climbed and issues resolved, it would be impossible for us to learn how to tap into and develop our inner resources and transform our weaknesses into strengths. This applies to every aspect of life, so that through growing in wisdom and understanding our consciousness expands and we fulfil the purpose of our earthly existence. As these things are the only key that can and does unlock all human suffering on the Earth, let’s join St. Francis of Assisi’s prayer: ‘O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console; to be understood, as to understand; to be loved, as to love.’
The above is a chapter from ‘Astrology As A Lifehelp In Relationship Healing’.
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‘Astrology As A Lifehelp In Relationship Healing’