Long Standing Relationships
Isabel Allende in ‘Portrait in Sepia’ writes: ‘Love is a free contract that begins with a spark and can end in the same way. A thousand dangers threaten love, but if the couple defends it, it can be saved. It can grow like a tree and give shade and fruit, but that happens only when both partners participate.’
Serious problems frequently arise when only one of them awakes from their spiritual slumber. Those who consciously or unconsciously refuse to tackle them head-on, thinking that it’s safe to sweep them under the carpet, are in for a surprise! All our struggles will not go away on their own and have a habit of manifesting themselves time and again in an ever more uncomfortable manner. It could happen, for example, that we suddenly and surprisingly fall in love with someone because that person gives us the attention and tenderness we may have been craving for in our existing partnership, without getting any of it, for some years. Such encounters are likely to make us aware that although we are older now, we have also grown wiser. In many ways, we are now more attractive and lovable than we ever were in our younger days.
It may dawn on us slowly how much we have grown since our partnership first began, and that our partner has refused to keep pace with our development. After all we have learnt, over the years, instead of allowing our partnership to deteriorate into one of boredom and indifference, why aren’t we giving more to each other, rather than less? Again, we need to look into our life and ask ourselves a few uncomfortable questions, like what kind of a partner do we need now? Would we prefer to be together with someone who shares our interests, and who responds to us the way we would like to be treated? And if there isn’t anyone we would like to share our life with – oh, perish the thought! – wouldn’t we be better off on our own and being free again?
When the dust has finally settled, our encounter may have amounted to nothing but a brief interlude. But, even if it is all over in a flurry, we are sure to get more in touch with ourselves. It will help us to find out a lot about ourselves and our requirements, likes and dislikes in a mature relationship that does justice to the way we are now. If we have allowed ourselves to become trapped in a long standing relationship, then that in itself could be the only reason why this needed to come into our life. As we have grown, through the years, our old relationship has not grown with us. It may have ceased to satisfy us not only emotionally, but especially spiritually.
Another person cannot break our relationship up for us. No-one can do that, except we ourselves. But, they can be the catalyst who helps us to become aware of how starved and lonely we have become. The whole affair might last just long enough to help us realise that we do not want to live our life without mutual appreciation and love – the most basic human requirement – any longer. We may then decide to make one final attempt at trying to get our partner to make a joint effort. If that fails, too, it may dawn on us how much more comfortable, enjoyable, less complicated and stressful life on our own could be.
We may finally reach the end of our tether, and realise that one-sided efforts at trying to keep a partnership together, can and will not work. In fact, they seem to work almost in the opposite direction, pushing the partners further and further apart. It must be something inherent in our human nature that, the harder we try, the more the other one plays at hard to get – as if life was a game of some kind. Now, we know from first hand experience that no partnership will ever work, unless there is a mutual coming together of hearts and souls. Alleluia, we have learnt!
Rather than putting up with the constant heart-ache and frustration our fruitless efforts are causing us, reluctantly, we may decide to move on and get on with the rest of this lifetime, on our own. Could it be that our Creator wisely made us that way, so that we can let go of relationships that have outlived their usefulness in our life? True, in our stubborn refusal to accept this, we create suffering for ourselves, which leads to soul growth. But, might we not develop better in other directions, by expanding our life and living it the way we really would like to? No harm in trying, is there?
There is yet another consideration. What if we refuse to bring about the necessary separation, are we not in danger of seriously blocking our own and our partner’s spiritual unfoldment? Could it be necessary for us to leave them, so that – through the pain this causes, their own spiritual awakening comes about? Who are we to stand in their way, as well as ours? And who knows what a separation may lead to, in the end – maybe a reunion, if we still want it. In time, our partnership may transform itself into a spiritual and truly loving one, who knows? What if we agreed, in the world of spirit, to do some specific work together? If we do not eventually pluck up enough courage, and it may never come into existence. Now, wouldn’t that be a pity?
In the course of many lifetimes, we learn that it is unwise to make another person totally the focus of our life. Death, our own and that of others, sees to it that, eventually, we learn the most valuable lesson of all, namely that lasting security cannot be found with anyone in earthly life, but has to come from within. No matter how hard we try to cling on to others, all our relationships are not meant to go in on the same form forever. They need to change and grow, the same as we do. If we refuse to, we are in danger of stagnating and circumstances may arise that force us to let go.
Some may see such things as force majeure, but they are not really. Through our own growing and learning process, we ourselves set these things in motion, whenever different experiences and relationships are required to evolve some more. And even when we have become aware of the temporary nature of everything on the Earth, including all our relationships and the purpose they once had to fulfil, why is it that we are still so afraid of letting go and taking the odd risk here and there?
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The above is a chapter from ‘Astrology As A Lifehelp In Relationship Healing’.
If it has whetted your appetite to read more, please follow the link below:
‘Astrology As A Lifehelp In Relationship Healing’
